MATCH REVIEW 22ND DECEMBER!!

MATCH REVIEW 22ND  DECEMBER!!

Alright so this episode had the good and the bad. The good: Shay was back! The bad: Mourn(??) was back. Now now you might say, and rightly so, 'smark, don't you hate Shay?' and yeah, I do, but damn if VPW is not doing something right by trying to keep him as far away from the spotlight as possible, honestly it was great, I'll explain in the match review. On the other hand, Mourn(??) came back and she's got a new character but guess what?! It's the same fucking character but now she doesn't have the mask. Holy shit what incredible writing, the oscars are gonna flood in now, boys!

1st Match: Newke it from orbit, it's the only way to be sure: Newke vs Miley

Undercard wasn't exactly hot but this match was workable, and actually ended in quite an interesting way, although I'm not sure why they are pushing Miley considering her first performance. Anyway, Newke dominated the start of the match, slapping Miley around like no-one's business, but the match switched on a dime after a (frankly undersold) powerbomb, with Miley coming back with some strikes of her own before catching Newke on the ropes and going for the finish with the Two-Eleven. Not bad, just not much in terms of stakes but as an undercard it was pretty good. 4/5.

2nd Match: Ve vill bury you: Nosferatu vs Shay

So Nosferatu is a new Russian wrestler that VPW got and although his gimmick is kind of boring (Gangrel already did this shit, and better, and he was a heel, vampire faces don't fucking work!!), he seemed to be pretty good in the ring himself. This match is notable because after sooooo much waiting and seeing what Shay would be like when he came back, they fucking got him to job against a newcomer. If this isn't fucking spicy as hell I don't know what is. Just a fucking perfect way to bury all that momentum that Shay had in season 1. Perfect. Anyway, the match itself started with Shay just giving a few weak slaps against Nosferatur, followed by a spinkick, just really boring shit. Nosferatu eventually counters and just fucking pummels Shay, it was a sight to behold honestly, I fucking shouted in joy and my roommate looked at me funny. After a bear hug, Nosferatu just outright flips him out of the ring. Shay comes back and does probably some of the worst moves I've seen in a while, doing one of the weakest cloverleafs ever. Thankfully Nosferatu ropebreaks and finally gets the upper hand once again, just going over Shay while the crowd pops for him, then perfoming a sick-looking running bulldog.

Anyway, they do a back and forth and Shay does a few okay-looking leg drops, but the counter attack doesn't last long, and eventually Nosferatu gets the upper hand and performs his finisher on Shay. Anyway, the match was alright except for, you know, Shay, I'm gonna give it a 3/5 but honestly it should deserve higher for just getting a chance to see Shay job like that.

3rd Match: Why isn't this the top card: TSB vs Alfred Hitchcock 

Honestly no idea why this doesn't top the card, especially considering what actually DID top the card for this episode. TSB and Fragatas crew are some of the most accomplished wrestlers in the promotion and they give this match a mid-card position? What the fuck?! Anyway, Fragata at the start of the match looked legit angry, or was playing it well, and the match starts with Fragata clothelining Anna, but she manages to reverse it and get an hammerlock, which Fragata reverses himself into a pin: bit of a weak start, but nothing too flashy to start off with. She throws him to a corner when they stand back up and then does a sick dropkick: it looked like it connected really well, really good stuff from Anna as always. She tries the same again after a pin, throwing him to the ropes, but he cartwheels back and does a springboard elbow: it lands, but not the best one I've seen from Fragata. Just seemed a bit out of it at the start, honestly.

Anna takes the upper hand after the elbow, doing a chokeslams and then getting Willy in for a combination move, but Fragata gets out at the last second and goes for the tag on Casuario: the hot tag is made and Casuario does a sick lariat followed by another springboard from Fragata: just really well fucking coordinated stuff, good to see them both working together so well. They do a standard big man fight, although Manchino goes for the cheap low blow shot. They manage to get him to the corner and apply a sleeper hold, but Casuario just powers through it, managing to make the tag with Fragata, who immediately delivers a sick backstabber on Anna, before doing a standing moonsault: a perfect execution. After some strong-style knees after the pin attempt, the Birds seem to be gaining momentum. After a pin, however, Fragata plays the Face and helps Anna back to her feet, and then she quickly capitalises with a rollup for the win. The match overall was solid but the start and end were weak, so I'm thinking 4/5. Solid match. Should have been top of the card.

4th Match: An unlikely title bout. Cop Lady vs Cortez

Okay you can stop sending me messages, I know she's known as Schemestress (shit name, but whatever), but she'll always be know as Cop Lady to me. Anyway, this was a weird match since I'm not sure how Cop lady managed to climb high enough for a title bout, especially with Fragata right fucking there, but here we go. The match starts with some wicked elbow and open-handed slaps from Cortez, which the smaller wrestler manages to avoid, before going in for an elbow strike to the shoulder of her own. Honestly, it looked fucking painful, and Cortez sells it well enough: the lady got skills, I keep saying it. She then gets down to her regulation holds, taking his hand behind his back, which are usually really good, but this one looked kind of weak at best. Cortez finally manages to fight back, however, doing a really solid belly-to-belly suplex, which sends Cop Lady crashing to the mat. There's some words exchanged between them (can't remember what exactly), and then she tries to sweep him, although yet again not the best execution, but there we go. Once on the ground, she starts a combination of locks and holds on him, which he tries to counter, finally managing to get a lock with his right arm behind his back and a knee pressed into it as well.

The lock looks really fucking good as Cortez writhes in pain. At this point, her partner comes in, asking questions, kicking Cortez while he's in the old: it's really well sold, however, and the stage intrusion gets a huge pop from the audience. With the interference, however, the Elite Crew comes to the rescue and the match kind of peters out. Overall still a nice display of technical wrestling, ruined by a storyline. Oh well. 3/5.

5th Match: Wrestle Wars: The Return of the Shit: Nu-Mourn vs Bradley

So Mourn is back and she's party of a shitty storyline with the equally shitty Mr Vega$ and the criminally misused Bradley! And it's the top card. And it doesn't fucking lead to anything except more eldritch voodoo boring shit. Fuck me. How could VPW get it this wrong??!

The match is still boring Mourn shit: hey, she's a Face (supposedly), but here's her choking out the boss. Then Vega$ comes in and she turns on him, before doing a shitty splash. They do more fucking talking and blah blah blah okay fuck this review and fuck this match. The swerve is that Vega$ drops some blood on the mask and Angelina goes berserk but then Yukako helps Nu-Mourn and then they fucking escape the end. Fuck this match. FUCK THIS MATCH 0/5.