MATCH REVIEW 1ST DECEMBER!!

MATCH REVIEW 1ST  DECEMBER!!

What.

The.

Fuck!!!

I don't know how the fuck you can have an entire show without one of the worst things within VPW (ie Mourn) and still manage to fuck up an entire evening like this. Honestly I don't know what the FUCK is the point of doing a match-by-match review cause there's very little that shines. Anyway, here goes for the shit show.

1st Match: 2ghosts2spooky: Torment vs Fantome

Fantome is better than I give him credit for, at least he managed to carry the match, even though the starting promo was cringe as fuck and it was just Torment reminding people of the shitty Mourn storyline from the last episode. At least Torment can hold up a match well and jobs pretty well, cause the match was pretty entertaining although really nothing special. Fantome was quite flippy: I liked his flip from the turnbuckle onto the shoulders of Torment that then developed into a semi-hurricanrana, overall they performed well to a pretty tepid crowd. Just average match really, not bad, not good, 3/5.

2nd Match: What do you get when one side can't talk and the other side can't wrestle?: Cops vs Vega$

Honestly I wasn't even sure if this was a match or not, it made no fucking sense to me. As much as I like Cop Lady in the ring, they need to keep that microphone the hell away from her because she has the charisma of a hedgehog crossing the road: really fucking flat. Like I don't even understand why they bothered with all this shit, considering that they booked SWAT to face Fragata and Big Bird down the card. How the hell do you create any sort of surprise when you tell people that a match is happening later on anyway? Anyway, Cop Lady had her tough lady talk again but it was just really forced, and Vega$ basically had to carry that promo on his back in order for it to get anywhere, but finally the fight started when the prisoner exchange didn't work out as planned (what a surprise!).

So Cop Man goes for Vega$ while the others are fighting and Vega$ does a shitty "oh look my broken arm is alright" spot, which was fucking telegraphed as hell, and Cop Man gets the upper hand finally, while Cop Lady tries to find the keys for his cuffs. Honestly it's pointless to keep going on this blow by blow, so I'll summarise: one of Vega$'s goons does a shitty frogsplash, Vega$ and Cop Lady exchange blows and almost collapse into each other, Vega$ does a shitty lock and finally Cop Lady breaks another of Vega$'s bones, which is a gimmick that's being used way too fucking match. This was fucking bad from start to finish. 2/5

3rd Match: The unpronouncable: Yukako vs Shitty Writing

Honestly, what the fuck. I mean, yeah, Yukako is in a tag with Mourn, but she knows her stuff and mostly her stuff has been good, and they make her do a fucking squash with some shitty "I COME FROM THE OCEAN" character that honestly would be rejected from a fucking low budget Cthulhu film for being too trite. They fucking did Yukako dirty in this match and all in order to push a character with the worst dialogue I've heard in a long time. Mourn's crappy occult background is bad enough, but honestly this squid shit is ten times worse. The match itself was the worst kind of squash. The entire "match" was unbelievably bad. 1/5

4th Match: Help us, Fragata, you are our only hope: Birds vs Cops

The crowd for this match was so checked out, but honestly after those two shit-show matches, I'm not surprised. Fragata is one of the bigger pulls of the entire show and basically of the crappy bookings beforehand, the crowd was not even into it when he appeared on the ring. At least there was the potential for two good technical wrestlers to finally get things popping a bit. 

The psychology of the match started off right: Cop Lady trying to grab Fragata and him doing his usual lucha-inspired moves: an enziguiri was the big spot of the night and it landed fine, but there was barely any pop: just silence. After that, a similar setup followed with both wrestler vying for control, with Fragata hitting a really sweet suplex that finally got the crowd to pay a little bit of attention. Fragata keeps up the offense with a nice elbow from the ropes, which Cop Lady attempts to reverse in an alright-looking throw. She tries to rally up the crowd again, but they aren't buying it. Finally, she goes on the offensive and gets one of her customary locks in on his arm, and they fucking sell it to the moon: just really good stuff.

At this point, the crowd finally fucking buys it, but not for long. She tries to go for some spiny move from the turnbuckle that honestly was executed kind of badly: she should stay on the ground, where she can actually do her stuff. Fragata counters, and does one of his standing moonsaults which honestly by this stage, they are sublime and a thing of beauty.

It's basically the end of the match before Fragata notices that he's actually in a tag match, and Big Bird comes in: the two do a combination uranage and backstabber for the win. Overall the match was entertaining, although basically Cop man and Big Bird did fuck all for the entire match. Would give it a 4/5 if it had been a singles match, but the fact that it was barely a tag is goinna make it go down to a 3/5.

5th Match: There was meant to be a big kaboom: Cortez vs Jane

Honestly I don't know what the fuck happened with this "main event". Just a waste of all of the skillful wrestlers involved, and they honestly need to give it up with Cortez because that man does NOT have a very long future. The match was pretty standard but obviously they were trying to hide if Angelina was gonna actually betray Jane or not, although they kept hinting it throughout the match, especially in a spot where Angelina drags Jane out of the ring after punching her. After some more forgettable scraps between Cortez and Jane, finally Angelina interferes properly, and Cortez takes advantage by doing a quick count for the win. 

What follows is the Cops coming back for some reason, Reina finally coming back in the ring, the Progedy guy they kept going on about being D'Angelo (he honestly did a pretty impressive jump from a pretty high drop). Then the entire thing comes to an end when they blow up the fake control room (c'mon, it looks fake as fuck) with Legault inside. Just more boring storytelling instead of good old fashioned wrestling. Just a poor end to a poor evening. 2/5